Bifurcation

Is this website for business/professional life or a personal journal?

A bit of both, I think, and both are inevitably influenced by whatever I happen to be reading at the time. Right now, that would be Susanna Clarke’s, “Jonathan Strange and Mister Norrell”.

The most melancholy sound escaped me this morning. A mixture of the very great emotional weight that rests upon me and the need to suppress this turmoil from breaking out into the wider world and washing away everything in a torrent. What good is it if a man find temporary and fleeting relief by revealing his inner strife only to find that, in the aftermath, he has lost all of the things he sought most to protect? No, this is not something that a man may do. He must also be mindful of the very great pressures that stoic denial may create, a building and redoubling that will turn inward and destroy the vessel that ought to contain them. And we all know that a vessel, once broken, may indeed be repaired and made to look whole again, but the breaks are there forever and will thus weaken the vessel for future use.

So I must conclude that the melancholy sound served the same function as the release valve of a pressure cooker or the whistle on the spout of a tea pot. An early warning that the pressure has reached a maximum and that immediate action is necessary to avoid, what I fear, would be a disaster. Oh! What an abominable state! To be required to be both strong and to deny the possibility of weakness, or indeed to even acknowledge that fragility of spirit is even possible. To be told, by people with the best of intentions, that I should reach out for help and in the next breath remind me that they most require my fortitude and strength of resolve.

How is a solution to be found? I must admit that all of my judgement on this topic is most appallingly compromised. I will put this forth to my friends and hope that they might advise me on the correct path to take.